Friday, December 10, 2010

you made

you made me cry just to hear a sorry that's not due to you

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Christmas Resolutions

So what I'm trying to do for the coming year :

1. NO SWEARING
- no sh*ts....at all...done it before...i'll do it again
- definitely keeping away from all other four lettered explicits.whether in private or public

2. BE NICE
-try my best to not be...UN-nice... to everyone.whether they're nice to me or not. ESPECIALLY when they're not.

3. DO THE RIGHT THING
- do what is best for the situation, not whether it benefits one party more than the other
- be the bigger person, don't have to insist on being right all the time.

4.BE MORE LADYLIKE
-behave more feminine and gentle...like a REAL girl D:
-in speech and actions

edit:+ 1= 5. NOT BE STUBBORN
-listen more and not be so opinionated
- listen to you...try not to go against you

come on annna....2011 is almost here.. you can do this...


Wednesday, December 01, 2010

konfirmisi

such a confirmation.not at all that coincidental.that's how i feel anyhow.decisions are important things.and it takes a lot of motivation to make the right one.i decided this morning for the reason that it is the right thing to do.and the word at night seals the deal.it's wonderful the way He moves our stubborn,fearful and indecisive hearts to tread on the right path. not an easy journey to make.i know that.i do hope you continue to motivate and encourage me.but if you don't, i'll be okay too.i just have to remember who i am doing this for.


for the yous and the mes
the us' ...the wes.
for the what- could- bes.
for the what-i'd-like-it-to-bes
for all that's going to be


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

what i want

it's interesting how words can turn someone a full 180 .
makes me doubt myself, my thoughts, my stand.
makes me wonder what I want
what i think i want
what i should want.

it's interesting how much hope one can put into the uncertain and the unseen
and lose hope in the what was and what used to be.

it shouldn't be about the who.
just the what.
for now.

verdict: i want what's right,
especially for right now.

Friday, November 05, 2010

inside me,i tremble...

i shake inside with hurt and uncertainty. when will i be right? what is right? what is right for right now?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

the aftermath of the whirlwind that you are





in the wake of the loss of memories in words

all that is left
is the scent of your aftermath.




my fingers lead me through the creases, down the sheets, through your hair
my mind stolidly churns out the many running mares
a light bulb, dangling and swaying
casting uncertain shadows on waiting walls

a brief breeze of a temporary laugh
of contented sighs

my secret carousel of emotions
its colours and music only mine to keep

sugar-coated whispers
sweetness meant to fall away
never meant to stay
yet i'm whisked away to the
playground of your words
of skin

of hushed voices
where was my guard when i need it up
oh how i allow my feet to wander down the paths of intrigue and curiousity
and oh how they fail me sometimes.


this is where i wonder
why no one else would do
why i only could have
the wants for you

it makes me ponder
such a rush
and single lip stain
a single touch

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

much i've learnt



Sometimes, it's not about losing.... but it's in the realization that, explaining to a someone who is set in their own ways with no urge of learning and becoming better, is a waste of effort.

they will choose to never understand.
they will choose to defend what they think they know
they will choose to exert faux-intellect.


and i'm learning to save my breath and effort for people who are worth the time.

most of the time, i only say because i care :) and if i stop :) it's quite easy to tell why.

it's not about the losing...it's about walking away from the boxing ring gracefully while the "opponent" is busy punching himself in the face :)


Friday, October 15, 2010

level

i feel i have brought caring to a whole new level : the stupid level

Thursday, October 14, 2010

tip toe into my thoughts




we have been strangers
we were real
we've kissed from across the street
we've spoken in more than words
covered in more than clothes

we've fought nameless battles
you made timeless promises
they sometimes come true
sometimes fall through

they have lingered
longer than they should
these hands
while they sooth

you never seem to fall asleep
you never seem to fall
never with your heart
never in your soul


a coat of wants
no t-shirt of needs
you crash even louder
un-carpeted by greed

the hunger for more
but never something more
the carousel of ecstasy
never stopping on your turn

only you know
you get what you want
only you know reasons for your wants
the reasons you taunt
the reasons you tempt
the reasons you stop mid-hand

I've faltered with my share
I've overdone the care
followed through hesitantly
when wants pour in when it's too late






Wednesday, October 13, 2010

weather or not



where is my ghost?
the one i've followed the most
the one i've cried for
the one who has cried more

every little boy has dreamed
of being a super hero
saving the world
getting the girl

i've dreamed of looking pretty
in a flouncy dress
but i digress
i've turned to books
i just gave you the hook


we've had the dreamers
we've had their dreams
we've seen the nightingales
we've heard them sing

gather your capes
let's meet on the hill
let's free fall into the sky
let them fire at will

let's command the army
to charge, march, attack
save the damsels and the princes
from their dragons and their feasts


so let the blood spill
and it will be alright
for it's the right time
it's the right kind

and it will be the right one
for the right thing
and it will be yours
it will be found.

so you welcome yourself
to the tea party
to the tasks
to the war

so welcome


random things parents say #492




My Dad & I protested when my mom started feeding Poodie, our dog, muffin crumbs.

Mom: What? Even dogs eat crumbs that fall from the master's table!
Me : Fall, ma...fall...
Mom: Then we shall MAKE IT FALL....*continues feeding Poodie with crumbs from her hand*

Dad & I- speechless....
random animal pictures with protesting babies

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

sometimes #29393

sometimes God likes to remind us to not get comfortable. and also not to worry. He's got everything under control.we just might not like the bumpy ride.

Friday, October 01, 2010

random #585858

wisdom is....

...... knowing when to shut up...


i think i'm getting the hang of it :)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

obnoxious much?





if you knew me, you'd know.
but seriously?
i'm reminded of the times i've been asked:
" you like me right?"

hallo~
heerroo!
harroo?
aloha~?


i'm constantly amused.i doubt it's desperation, but it is obnoxious.
*smile*


you wish kan?
i wish too.

ok i know the pictures have NOTHING to do with the topic, but considering how amused yet unsure i was of how i felt...these pictures make me smile.and i like.so i DONTCH care!

:be good:

do we really have it better?

a stupid comment read somewhere:
are blind people afraid of the dark?

i don't think it's that stupid to think about tho.
if they were blind from birth, the dark is all they know. and that makes them above those with fear of the dark.
look down on them all yu want, but they have conquered one very common fear.

are we going to keep coming up with excuses for ourselves?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

everything about you



ever loved a song so much yu got the album only to find the rest just wasn't as good? i have personal favs of which..i LURVVEEEE the entire album...save one or two songs but i dont hate em, i just might not adore them as much... but thts only like 0.0001% of the issue.SO here Goes MY FAVOURITE ALBUMS list:

1.MICHELLE BRANCH

-"Spirit Room" (2001)
Maybe you might say that everything in this album sounds the same,but it is really all about her lyrics and play of words. Almost all the songs move me lyrically, whether it is about regrets or love or just simple friendship.


- "Hotel Paper" (2003)
I was ecstatic about this album because a dear friend got the original for me for my 15th birthday!(the birthday i got 4 cds but this is my ultimate fave really). The music... she just grew with this one. The earnestness only grew more matured and had even more depth.


2.OWL CITY
-"Ocean Eyes" (2009)
the quirky lyrics.poppy.cutesy beats.need i say more?

3.DC TALK
-"Supernatural"
I read 'The Chronicles of Narnia' to this album on loop. Kinda gave me a soundtrack to my favourite series in the worlddddd.... sigh...not to mention they quite fell in place with each other.it was a very personal and emotional experience for me,especially while growing up.it was all very spiritual somehow.


4.SNOW PATROL
- "Final Straw" (2003)

-"Eyes Open" (2006)
Both had the kind of vibe that keeps you in a moment, but i much preferred Eyes Open as the flow of the album really gelled well. The intensity of 'Run', 'Set Fire to the Third Bar' and 'The Finish Line' was breathtaking. In fact, im listening to Set Fire while i'm typing this... such the awesome combination of vocals to portray such longing.
i sleep well to both albums :D:D


off the top of my head,that's all for now :)


random #4726

-cinematic razor sharp
-lonely written words for company
-only take what you can carry
-every second dripping off my fingertips
-in defence of our dreams

Monday, September 27, 2010

what do you love?




i think this might be the kickstart i need to open up a tumblr of the things that make me feel happy, and move me.
any ideas for titles? so far i've got:
-happy machine
-a tough cookie's joy
-i just bend their spoons
-happy maker
-of joys and technicalities
-uhm....
will pick later? i guess? :(


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

randomsies

 

when you cry, your eyes get smaller, but your lips swell up.hurms…

*enjoys momentary angelina lips *

the tetris day

 

c06b37dee4c9e8bc9adb0522cd44ab7f

so uhm, today, i felt like i kept misplacing my Tetris bricks. First, i thought it was YAY! I WOKE UP AT 9.30! but then i realized it was only because i woke up at 7.40am. Hurms. then decided to finish the journal.whilst doing so,realized purse was missing! *panicky panicky nicky  nicky nick* contact all possible people. Hor,ACHeww…. hor was busy so i had to wait….exhausted all other possibilities and he was my only hope.if not,police report it is :( agonizing wait,so i got halfway through my journal. on the verge of letting it all go and while on the way to print, PURSE IS RECOVERED! i su careless :(

So, all on the go, print, lunch-bumpies into Laiyee.LenLen.and erika. :D after that,home and completion of journal plus submission. Then, much needed rest.

 

Dinner however was accompanied but ugly truths.submissions.sigh.

 

 

i’m still learning.i’m still trying.i’m still just one person.

 

PS: random rainbow cake for sadness.ntg to  do with post :D

Monday, September 20, 2010

He's the expert tetris player.

He truly is the expert tetris player.Whenever i screw up the bricks and it seems i'm going to lose, He comes in and maneuvers incoming bricks into the right places and getting me tetris(es?) making everything better in the Tetris game of life. :)


Thursday, September 16, 2010

random thought#1

just a random thought:

National Service was a hype i knew was gonna die down.
Hence the fact i never allowed myself to be planted in too deep,
so i could easily uproot and detach myself from any emotion.


such the ice queen

now i see what they saw

Now i truly feel i've wasted practically a whole year of my life. seeing from the outside now, i don't know how i could have fallen for such a pretentious, obnoxious, snide prick. there is no other word for it. besides driving one up the wall, there's nothing he does best.
he merely knows how to bring you down, for his satisfaction.
he does not know how to jest in consideration,
nor know how to hold a conversation.
he beats around the entire forest before coming up with the conclusion
of zero significance.
he delights in the frustration of you being at your limits.
he rejoices in the fact that you may be confused and keeps you in that limbo, just for his entertainment.

i don't know what i saw in him now. i truly fear my judgement at this point.


you have officially turned me off completely.
i hope you're happy now.
many have asked why do i even still respond to you
or waste my time interacting with one such as yourself.
i was only trying to be a better person
and trying to treat people better.
and yet they are still right.
i achieved nothing in trying to be nice to you.


why did i even try.

does the lack of a question mark there not confuse you now?


Monday, September 13, 2010

now what

i went through it with the first one. i thought the worst was over.


i'm far from right.

i can't... say what i meant anymore. it will never be right.

it hurts so bad. and i don't know anything anymore.

i can't fit into the mould you prepared for me.

i'll try harder.




the house

so it was a house,filled with bodies to be cremated,and i didn't feel a thing.

he held my hand and helped me make my way around the corpses that were scattered in blue rooms. Piles and piles of them. Some wrapped up neatly in white, some with limbs hanging out, some barely shrouded, all respect for the deceased thrown out the window. Occasionally we step on things we regret.through traditional kampung house doors, down old-school cement stairs.

7.13 am

my heart stops in my chest in confusion.

it stops in my throat, it doesn't know what it wants.

it doesn't know what is going on.

it
just
stops
.
confused
.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

so uhm...

... yea... stephen chow movies. had a total 1malaysia experience yesterday,or more like what 1malaysia should look like. in a muslim food place, during hari raya season, they were watching a Stephen Chow movie. yes, no one asked to switch channels or anything like that, and everyone was riveted to the screen, all watching. it felt good. it gives me hope in a silly way.


and stephen chow movies... yea you said " you watch Chinese movies meh? you're so English"

i do watch Chinese movies, i used to keep up with tvb dramas and, just for the heck of me i don't know why i can't remember titles. but i did watch.used to get into trouble for wanting to rush off from dinner so i don't miss anything.

and the movie last night was pretty entertaining :) made me forget my gloom glooms (not the pokemon). the random (for me at least) choir session was pretty fun too :)


: the simplest things that can make your day, can break them too,and it works both ways :


sometimes quiet,not - doing-much moments are enjoyable. i find it fun to have a partner to do nothing with. doing nothing together is pretty fun.seriously.no kidding.

i am grateful for the people who say "oK! let's have mcD breakfast!" and do it.and for the people who let you do it :)



downside? i can't sleep now :( too much unsettled thoughts linger in the back of my mind :(



Monday, September 06, 2010

Dear Mind,

Thank you for letting Body get the rest she needed even though you were busy and worked up. You woke up so early. 8 am is really early. And that was too early for poor Body who really needed to rest. I honestly thought you should have rested longer too. but i understand :) Sometimes there are so many things going through you that sleep seems impossible :(

I do hope you rest well later. and get yourself off of things. don't stress yourself out too much. It kinda takes a toll on me and Body. i know you have good intentions but sometimes you habe to absorb what others say and not be so stubborn :)


Love,
Annna

ps: Tummy is very grateful to kimmeh and ken for the chocolate cornetto . Hope it helped make you feel better too :)

Saturday, September 04, 2010

realistic much?

it's not easy coming to terms with being objectified, but that's what realistic people do.
they suck it up and take it like a man.


it's not easy accepting that whatever good intentions you have will give you the "license" to be taken advantage of.
but that thats what realistic people do.
they absorb that and wise up in their future actions.

Friday, September 03, 2010

one can...

-one can dream of many things,
then laugh with their eyes closed.

=annna

little reminders

- you will be good enough for the one that deserves you-

trying to keep that in mind.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

how to make the world a better place #1

Why couldn't people be more understanding?
and took the time to learn more about each other before coming to conclusions?
why is it so difficult to be the bigger person and not center the world around yourself?
why couldn't more people think like this? :




***
-Just take your time and listen
Make peace and love your mission-

-Being quick to judge is easy stuff
But to love
Sometimes its tough-

I wonder if you talked to me
Would you see a better man?
I sure hope thats what youd do
Cause I would see a better you
***

i posted before about how i've gotten into huge arguments just because i pointed out one good thing about someone who wasn't at the top of everyone's favourite list. was i wrong to try to see the best in others?

*sigh*
i am, but one girl, but i try... i do try...

and you, would you try to see a better me? cause i would see a better you.


what i do know is @ wiki-

skinny doesn't mean pretty, pretty doesn't mean skinny.i have neither,that's where personality comes in.

I think.


-Annna-

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

pit pot pat

so sorry all the rants came at the same time.it's just been too much really.i don't understand why friendship has to be so difficult...why do i hv to make it so hard.

why does it even matter?why can't i let it go the way everyone else does? why do i have to care about the things and the people that the others don't care about...

why do i have to be so sharp? just because i get it all the time doesn't seem to work as a reason. i'm not you and you're not me.what i can stand and expect and receive may not be what you're cut out for.

how much more sorry can i be. i don't know how else to show it.it's like self inflicting pain you cannot comprehend when the frustration kicks in.

but i am. i truly am.

fall...

i don't want to cry over what i cannot understand
i don't want to cry over what i cannot control
i don't my tears to fall for people who don't care
i don't know how to stop it

do i need to shed tears for the confusion?
do i need to ache because i am lost?
does it need to be so difficult?
emotions need to be leashed.


that haze

you make my heart heavy
with your low
why it matters
i just don't know

you can't feel the anxiety rushing
fleeting through my veins

you can't tell
you won't
you don't have to

between a raging fire and a bed of nails
between throw pillows and sugar coated pills

i'm all over the place.

i'm where i should be
and where i shouldn't

i do what i didn't have to
i didn't do what they do

i don't have to
but i do
why do i?


the urge....

i dare not look at you, touch you, or even think about you.... for if i do, i will want more...and will not stop wanting more....


your comfort ... you, soft against my skin....it wasn't long ago but the memories of you on my skin lingers on my mind....

you're safe where you are for now..... when the time comes, i'll put yu where you belong....

Sunday, August 29, 2010

His timing...

when i first found out about the gig, i really wanted to go, but i couldn't explain the unfounded reluctance i felt to purchase the tickets.was it money? no. transport? no. friends? no. i had no idea why. up til the day kor called me, i just couldn't find a reason not to go yet i felt i wasn't supposed to go, or smtg to that effect.


Friday morning the news hit. with every celebration comes a moment of grief. and as the course of the day played out, it was obvious i wouldn't be able to make it to the wake on Friday night. which meant i could only go for Saturday. and then everything started to tumble into place. how could i have known? :( emotionally split between being happy for my bro and the success of the event, and the loss of someone. i guess He knew better :|

so, i'm sorry i couldn't make it to the gig, but there were more urgent things at hand i guess. and the decision to not be able to go wasn't thattttt unfounded as i thought :(


and again today,after everything i was feeling bummed i couldn't hang out anywhere due to circumstances ,eg: transport, situation etc. plus i was tired out from the heat. but, had i gone somewhere and not have been in my car, i would have missed Underheadlights on Hitz Campur Chart. impeccable timing indeed. that definitely brightened and woke me up a bit. i was absolutely excited and slightly pissed because he didn't tell me! but back to the point. everything just happened to tumble into place in the past days.

sometimes, we don't have to question why and mope, sometimes we should just take it all in stride and wait for the bigger picture to reveal itself....


but on a more regretful note, today, in church, a question posed was "do you have regrets?" "wouldn't you like to have a life without regrets?"

many things i do regret, but most recent and irreversible, was not getting to know Edmund better. Why didn't i? was i lazy? was i shy? i merely watched him from afar, mentally complimenting his dedication, his shoes, his style, his shirt.... so many little things i admired but never got around to telling him. And the cliche part will be the knowledge that we always take things and people for granted. always assuming there will be tomorrow, or next week , or next month.things we mean, good things, compliments, praise, acknowledgments... why do we keep them to ourselves? what good will it do us if it's meant for someone else?so what if it's something small? it was still something that impacted yu and left an imprint in one way or another. you will never know how much of a splash a small pebble can make...

and now, he's not physically here anymore. i feel like the dog in the haystack, hogging the mental words that i don't need for myself. i feel now it's more my loss now. i probably had so much to learn about him and from him that i robbed myself of... my loss indeed...


reinforcement of the day : never hold back good things from those who deserve it. you'll regret keeping that jar of peanuts yu're allergic to and never finding out how happy you could make others when you share it.

Monday, August 23, 2010

8 am baby

im tired but addicted... not a good combo...

Thursday, August 19, 2010

today i like...

so today, i woke up feeling pretty, even tho i have a constellation of monthly pimples decorating my face, even though my emotions are tumbling back and forth like a the ball bearings in liquid paper that's being shaken, even i find it difficult to trust and say what i mean....with no make up, i like my nose, i like my eyes, i like my lips, i like my cheekbones... today i like my face...



and i think i drank too much water...dizzy dizzy tizzy :(

it bothers

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?


why does it bother me so... i don't get it... i don't get it at all...
what do i really want?
is it really that different?
why...

Monday, August 16, 2010

mama was right....

when things first started, my mother asked me if there was going on..and on paper there wasn't. then she said something that made my heart drop a little. She told me that she would be ohkay with him, but i needed to be prepared if nothing happened. i just laughed it off, insisting we were just friends, but then deep down, i didn't want to believe she would be right. even i didn't want to believe that i was right in saying we were just friends.

but there you have it, mom said it, and as you would have it, she was right.so, i guess it was a good move to never refute what mama says, or i'd have to eat my own words....


you can't miss what you never wanted, you can't lose what you never had....
a word to me and to you...in that order

Friday, August 13, 2010

a good song #2

a good interpretation or expression of a song has the power to drive one to tears with its sincerity

question...

you intrigue me and i cannot fathom why.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

a good song

a good song is one that drowns you in a moment so good that you never want to get out of it, and you feel dread when it ends

eminemish mode (please forgive if fails...and SHhhhh)

it's like the things you do
they drive me nuts
you say "i'm protecting you"
but you don't trust
the way i'm telling you
yeah i'm fine on my own
now leave me alone
i'mma hide my own bones
and whatever i do
has nuts to do with you

yea you say " i care"
but you obsess
like you think the whole world is
only yours to possess
you say it like i belong to you
like a puppet on voodoo
everything you say i do
no chance to think for myself
i'm up on the high shelf
can't think, can't talk
whenever you say, i'll walk

i'm barely human, not anymore
this is how'd you like to see me
sprawled all over the floor
i'm breaking down
my tears don't make a sound
what i say don't mean a thing
and my lips are merely whispering

yes i loved you, my heart was yours
but you could never ever see pass all the flaws
the scars , the bleeding, you're insecure
you think my mistakes are gonna make a round 4
your meddling bells go off in your head
you never think, you never cared
you just wanted what you thought you never had
but all you needed had given till she was dead

there's really nothing left , in reality
but somehow , you're still what i wanna see
somehow still with you i wanna be
it's like i'm stupid, and my brains on the freeze
it's like my heart is disconnected
what common sense?
what wrong? oh heck it
no logic bends, no conscience beckons
it's like a hearts on a slip-and-slide
it's like i'm just waiting for it to fry

what's in it for me?
real love?a fantasy?
you wanted the world i put it in your hand
but in the end it was just a freaking test
you made my heart an ugly mess
you pushed the limits
pressed the buttons
and then you left

just a test drive car
that you drove so far
that you spun all the way
then simply returned the key
cuz the colour wasn't the shade you that you wanted
you had your run and now you decide that you don't want it
and you're like,"here have it back, i don't like it anymore, it's not good enough for me, i think i deserve more"
more to push around
more to push down
more to step on
more to control
more to say "no no, you can't go just because i said so"
like a momma, just with drama but you won't let go



ASHDFbg

:: men or more like, males, are such dramatic emotional creatures....amazing how far the male species has evolved..


::sometimes my life truly is Drama 101...currently in season 5::

Monday, August 09, 2010

in case i forget

ah ge dais, blueberry, look at my phone...i mean watch... don't paiseh...how cans...



hurms....


megan fox is the hots in the the Rihanna and Eminem collab.... awesome hots....

Thursday, August 05, 2010

and i was like wha..?

so...the other day in class i was feeling really sleepy. i was scouting for a suitable place to nap and just when i found it.... i was awaken slightly by my classmate saying ," i have NO BALLS!" complete with cupping gestures...

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

everything order nothing in but

so stuff that has happened : let's work backwards:
- new hair,shorter,coloured ,significance? first time dying :P never did anything bigger than highlighting....and its shorter....quite welcoming healthier hair. Thanks Rebekah :D

- there are benefits to constantly staying online on Fb...why? refer to the above

-D. Foo has once again failed to belanja me McD, even though he owed me and i was dying of hunger and fulfilled his wish to be trasnported there

- managed to redownload Missy Higgins, Joshua Radin, Regina Spektor and Maps thanks to cravings and finding people who appreciate them too

-Involved in a 15-hour dance marathon...and we made it into the Malaysian Book of records. :) dance-chge-run-runback-change-dance ...wash rinse repeat

-fear, apprehension, reconciliation... taking the first step... doing the right thing... well at least attempting la.

-awesome shrooms....fried and spiced D: *droolicious*

-missing the grads :( missed the Melakans...big oops for me...

-von von got me Octupai...so now Octina has a FREN! who is the same colour as MEOW! yay!

-was excited for his arrival, and depressed for his leave... confused in his aftermath. still thinking and taking things slow.

-PorkBurgeru! NINJA NINJA JOE!!

-jammingz which i failz....but loved the company :) and ze sing-k :)

-managed to watch Jangan Pandang Belakang....during which water fountaining and kitchen flooding occurred,leading to mass moping and drying...

-managed to Phobia 2... couldnt help but take in the beautiful imagery, the lighting, the angles, the treatment....breathtaking.... Thanks kimYEW! and nice meeting new people :)

-melaka : usual rifts where you can just nvr win... butter chicken and spenis...

-bumper falling off halfway hope...genius i know...

-yellowcab awesomeness, lookout point gilaness.... realising victor and stephen and so clonelikely cute, deric stomping up a burp...

-proud mom of a harddisk....finalllyyyy...

-berbatiks.... lotsa fun fun fun....

- good friends at first with ugly endings and threads left hanging...some people can't man up and tell the truth...

- can't sleep well anymore,can hardly nap :( jolted awake most of the time :(

-thanks to stephgoh... i meltz...meltziesssss

-of bades and dubes

-of inspesi and names... Salt and reviews and hectic jams... despicable me rush...saucers and panties tesla secrets

-odd cows and cow songs

-Half Life 2 Ost Nostalgia

- my hometownmyhometownOHiforgotYOngTAUFU- deliberate8pieces+2 leeched and cheeeken+raice

-felt pretty now and then....constant self esteem boost no matter what happens.

-metric on radio-squealy squeal squeal! 65%stranger to menjadi ah mat...but tankiu! since i su smart no purse

-of good old nyonya food...how to let goooo hoowwwww

-catholic death anniversary + awesome food

-3 movies in a day mmmmmm.......eye-burn


...that's about all i can recollect for now...





Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Facebook City maybe?

So somehow i kept seeing K post up a status, and it floated up mid air, words floating stolidly against an invisible background. As you post a comment to that status, a highway forms, leading to the building of the commenter. The highway form smoothly, seemingly it grow out of nothing at all, smooth as painted cement, alike to the Ikea parking lots.

In the background stood buildings, some monstrously tall, some, slum-like and low cost. It became apparent that every building belonged to a Facebooker, one for each account. The high-rise ones were easier to observe, they stood out brilliantly in the sun. The squares of display pictures of their friends made up the window panels on the building, each picture floating an exact distance away from each other, seemingly to move a little now and then. the tallest one in my view had an antenna like top, more like the Empire State Building...


one of the coolest dreams i've had in a long time, but no thanks to its looping on the spot.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

popped me didnt you....

you made me feel like a piece popcorn....
i was just a lonely kernel of corn
when you came along
and turned me inside out.
you know know everything about me
everything there is to see
cuz what you see
is what you get
now i just wait to see if i regret
and i hope im buttered and salted enough to your liking
i'll just wait

tiga dalam satu!

biar betul! tiga dalam satu? tak mungkin! dan hanya untuk harga rm 6? Biar betul ni!! bagaimanakah itu kenyataaan????

Jawapannye senang je: pagi - pagi tengok Salt kat Midvalley. jauhs gilers. parking mau muntah! lepas itu, Aperentis Si Sorseres di Alamanda lepas berBurger King sekali lagi. (gemuks gilers)... akhirnya fobia 2 di rumah kawan....takut jugak...tapi i survived kan? best.... Iz gemuks...

Monday, July 19, 2010

A little time to be thankful

So today someone left me a message stating their opinion that I'm getting prettier as i get older, judging from my pictures... coming from someone who playfully insults me at every possible chance, it kinda brightens up my day :) Thank you YOU...

Lately I've been getting little compliments like, "Hey you look pretty today" or " You're looking better and better recently, what have you been up to?" Honestly, I'm not used to compliments, and most of the time( sorry to the compliment-ers if you're reading this) I'm half skeptical and kind of think it's not very sincere but you're just being nice and it's not true at all. I feel bad cuz it's almost like saying you're lying, but that's not because you're a liar, but because i don't feel pretty at all... :( But, if i DO say I'm entirely NOT pretty then I'll be saying God is a sucky artist,which is not true...

So bottom line is, i accept i look presentable enough and I appreciate compliments and you must know they quite boost up my self esteem. It really makes my day :) Thank You and thank you all :)

A last note, if someone can take the time to dish out a sincere compliment, why can't we all do that? Take time everyday to think of something good about someone and compliment them :) Everyone deserves a little happy boost everyday....not ego boost tho... :P you come back down to earth right not you egoistic doof! :P You'll never know, you might make someone's day and put a little happy dent in their day :)

hands on the wheel eyes on the road

i'm just driving through a storm cloud
i'll be over it in time

i'll let the wipers wipe us dry...
the windshield's my shield against the sky

gently tap me on my shoulder
feast my eyes on the emotions

Something i've been brooding over....

I posted this as a note in FB earlier because i just needed to get it off my chest....

everyone has the same responsibility? not quite, if that were entirely true, there would be no need for hierarchy, for committees, for overseers. So that being said, if you are in a position, any position at all, you have a bigger reason and huger responsibility. Don't dump what you slack off on innocent bystanders, especially the ones who are always there. save your indignation for your reasoning for people who actually need to hear it... they definitely won't be out looking for you, so best you go out looking for them. remember, no one's doing it FOR you, so stop acting like they should. So does everyone have the same responsibility? NOpe nope nope.... when we do it, it is because we take initiative, you're the one who has to make it a job. big difference there. it's when you strip away the title do you find out if ones heart is truly with it.... it is when people do things without having the obligation that you see their stand.... remember WE dont HAVE to do it...we WANT to... while you HAVe to do it...so let's just hope you WANT to....Everything we CHOSE to do without obligation is a choice...that WE made ourselves....

Saturday, July 10, 2010

jom melaka!

Every other day when i pop up awake, i'm really awake. Not today...i'm taking at least this one hour to fully awaken myself before i make that2 hour drive...

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

the things i did

so today i confronted a Middle-Eastern family concerning a cowardly bully of a boy from their clan....


which lame, small thinged boy goes around pushing down girls who were busy minding their own business?

Sunday, July 04, 2010

where do you belong?

after the talk about MEnistry and ministry, it's got me thinking about why i feel compelled to help out in every way i can for somethings, but feel so reluctant in others.

i'll speak for myself here, but the more i feel i belong somewhere, the more i have the want to help out and be involved. it seems to be part and parcel of the "joining".... it comes naturally, when you care about something or someone, the need to watch out for it /them becomes an instinct.

but then again if it's in your personality to just be plain lazy then.... it's just a YOU problem i guess...



bottomline : it is when you feel you belong that you want to get involved :)


EDIT :
also another question would be, do not always accuse or question someone else for not wanting to be involved, many times one should ask themselves, especially if they are at the top, why aren't people getting involved WITH you....Man in the mirror concept :P



Tuesday, June 29, 2010

facing the music

i literally wasn't able to face the music due the implications and strings tied to it. today i will face it.


whitley is awesome....

Monday, June 28, 2010

attack

so i woke up with scratches... wonder how that came about... oh ! Oh! i have two little bites, tiny vampirish bites too....sigh


Thursday, June 24, 2010

i moved

so i was standing in my new room... no more private bathroom, i was sharing the one downstairs with a couple of the girls in the house. my room seemed pretty neat...odd but true.
My bathroom was odd, longish, had to go through a small aisle cluttered with mops and pails before i reached the shower. All the while i was thinking to myself, why did i move? why didn't i check out the bathroom before i agreed to this? how is anyone gonna use the bathroom knowing they had to fight mops?

walking around the rather spacious hall i bumped into the other house mates. Typical cutecute Chinese ed girls. again i wondered why did i even agree to move out of cyberia.

i felt frustrated, not happy at all. Sitting down in my wooden chair at my desk i suddenly panicked. OH NO! what about the contract? did i let my previous land lord know? was the contract still on? did i breach it? i was plenty worked up, to the verge of calling my mom, at the risk of being sounded for making a decision i was not happy with myself.

then i realised that this couldn't be. So i woke up


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

the things i do

I was waiting outside your door, juggling as best as i can, doing all that in the vain hope that you will notice me and commend me for my effort. You always wished i could juggle. everyone who passed by stopped to clap and praise me but you didn't think i was good enough. You only glanced out your window past the curtains and never had a thought to invite me in.


Even in my dreams, I'm still your clown...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

odd thought #345542


i have jinxed undergarments.now what are the odds of that?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

oddly remembered...

My town was a little town near the sea, with only a neighbouring town up the hill,a 30 minute drive up. Many people i knew lived there, many people in real life. It was a quaint yet modern town, but not small enough, so you would meet someone new every month or two.

It seemed to be a norm, this gathering and parties in our spacious but dimly-lit town hall. Everyone would be there, and the town would be empty. That night was no different. Everyone was in that dark, blue-tinged hall. The waves crashed behind us as it always has. Each crash was a simple notification that everything was working,,clockwork-ok. But not that night. It crashed, then there was a deafening silence that slowly worked its way around the hall, muting chatter and raising question marks. i remember the feeling of sudden realization, relating it to a pre-tsunami situation where the waters get sucked into the the crevice in the ocean floor caused by an earthquake. that ugly silence. True enough, a warning came in saying a tsunami was going to hit and we had 30 minutes to get out of town to the nearest town on a hill.

Oddly, everyone seemed rather calm as they exited the hall, strolling out, chatting amongst themselves. i bumped into CherryE. who introduced me to her beau, a fair, pasty, fragile looking boy with delicate features.i somehow had the impression then that somehow her unity with him was something quite shameful of which she was proud off,unfortunately. She mentioned his name but i never quite got it. I mentioned that he reminded me of tofu, and that riled his emotions quite a bit and i was engaged to hear the soft and gentle albeit feminine speech but never did quite absorbed what he was saying to defend himself. i grew tired of him and excused myself for i had more important things to tend to.

I walked home, and spotted a couple of family friends who stated that they weren't going to pack or leave. They never did say why. Reaching home, my bags were quite packed,some small mattresses, and i felt i needed to pack photographs. i couldn't decide at first, there were so many. i finally settled on a single family take and a portrait of myself that i don't have in real life.My family and ShengL., who was with us for some reason piled into my dad's Mpv, mattresses and all. Somehow, we were all quite calm,and yet we understood that time was running out.

As we drove up the hill, the waves started crashing,somehow layer by layer, barely meters away behind us as we went. We looked back in silence and a still anger. We reached the top, right in the backyard of a media/newspaper office. Just as we got over the edge onto flat ground the waves stopped right behind us, leveling what was once atop a hill to a sudden seaside location. We grimaced as we got out of the car, taking in the blue sea that had just swallowed my town. I had no words for the waters that seemed like cut-out paper waves.

We hurried into the office through its back entrance. My dad had already hurried to the chief editor's office demanding why none of this was found out earlier. The discussion went on while i waited for my mom outside the ladies and handed her a Styrofoam cup of Boh tea. I had one myself. i looked around at my cousin and siblings and wondered in silence.

i woke up, trying to understand the meaning of it all.

Friday, June 18, 2010

FAMILY DAY


So today was kinda a family day for me, stayed over night with family at aunt's place in Sbg the night before, and morning my bro dropped by before work. Then, it was IKEA time! I got my gravad lax (woot! Raw salmon yo!) , and my early birthday present #2- a goldfish bowl type lamp!!! *lublublubs so march* (pics will be up if i un-lazify myself) My mom said she wanted to give it to me just to light up my life abit :) *lubs momsies su march!*


Then at night (more like 5 onwards), was spent with my bro. His milk company had a company family day, and since his girlfriend's not around, i became family stand-in :P Wowee.... so many new faces *shyshys* So it was dinner in the GSC area in Tropicana Mall and Karate Kid after.

Honestly, i've never been to TM save for that one new year's day last minute fireworks viewing with Kev, Mattmatt and MummyJemJem. So it was like a jakun experience for me :P and i found an awesome awesome, delicious, heart pumping,sexy, awesome awesome book store there~!!! All the designing books to your heart's content without the clutter of unappreciative humans, especially unruly children who cannot comprehend the beauty of books. i was so afraid to touch anything,for fear that i might want everything(which i did touch and did want but had lotsa self-control) and i managed to buy the Advertising Design book i was supposed to buy for AD!(formerly known ad MI)

ahhhhhH~~~~~~~~~~~

imma definitely go back there soon! beats heading all the way to noisy KLCC for children-overrun kinokunya.
(gah! can't stop thinking about it!)

Anyway, moving on, Karate Kid ain't no kid movie. It's really violent! ( i had kinda wired my brain to think 'FAMILY-FRIENDLY') bleh! but that aside it was pretty funny :D (i laughed more in A-team though) What more, i got feedback from my bro and KYeo that the girl (which girl? there's only one, don't worry ) reminds them of Laura :P
(huge downside to the day, ninja joe was closed for the night when we finally got there *heartbroken over porku burgeru*)

My bro's really funneh tooo~ Why?
-Train scene in movie:
ME: HEY, where is this place???? It's really nice!
Bro : Hogwarts... (mind you the movie took place in China)
so...AHahahahahaa......

Had a good talk with bro during the journey too :) Reaffirmation with a healthy balance of self confidence is a recipe for high self esteem :)

As much as sometimes you feel like a good-for-nothing , as long as you know your strong points, and optimize them, you have no reason to be any less confident than the hot hot girl/guy next to you :)
(but don''t be so muka tembok and think you're THHHHAAAAAAAAT perfect la!PERASAN!!!!:p)

Personally, while i feel a pretty face is a plus point (a minus for me tho :C), i, personally la k, personally, feel that if a girl has personality, she shouldn't have to try so hard. it's painful to see girls that are cute (not everybody is gorgeous la, i should know), good at what they do, slim (something else I'm not*sigh*) , and have a standard command of language throw themselves at guys... so many of them do that and i truly believe they don't have to. *sigh*


anyway enough hoo-haa for the night. More to come tomorrow and beyond :)
Light up like a light bulb yo!