so it's been good, not sweating the small stuff.finishing up books. having positive conversations with people who try to bring out the best in you. after all this time, i don't know why i chose to go through so much difficulty. but it's all good i guess. if it doesn't kill you....
honestly, happiness wasn't that difficult to find.isn't. it's always there.it's in appreciating having your family around. in having a roof over your head, a room despite the pollution and heat. it's in being able to have dogs who love you and family members that could never dream of hurting animals (besides pests D:) it's in knowing you have friends who stick with you no matter what. Surrounding yourself with good things.
Sometimes i do believe i become such a horrid person and at first i don't know why.but which much thought, i guess it's my body's mechanism in pushing them away from me. to make them feel i'm not worth keeping in touch with or talking to. sometimes, it's good for them. it's good for them to stay away from me and with the way i act it gives them a darn good reason to. i don't like it being that way though, but it has to be what it has to be. you want them to be happy and everyone knows that their happy cannot be anywhere near you. and that's when i have to let go. let go of the heavy thoughts, the trying so hard to save the world, to make everyone else happy. it's not my job (even though i want it to be :( ) it still takes time for the fact to sink in. the fact that i don't HAVE to make everyone happy. It's good to WANT them to be happy but it's not my job to MAKE them so. it's a little bit painful (because i don't want to admit it's a lot) and there are people who are worn out from trying to drill it into my brain. (fear not! your incessant drilling has finally breached the walls of my cranium) so there it is! :) being happy with what is.... not what ifs or what has'. And also to do away with the people who drag your what has' into the what is :)
i lacked the balance before, always only able to do one thing and one thing only, but really, making (and KEEPING) my self happy is just as important as everyone else's happiness. and i have to remember to do that. Also, sometimes i have to forget what everyone thinks, and remember what HE thinks of me and let that reflect the way i think of myself. That is important. Serve God, not men. why do we look to men for approval when there's only one person's opinion that matters the most? :)
if i'm ever down, i know i'll be back up and swinging soon enough :)
No comments:
Post a Comment