Constantly as the stars above (on a clear night)

i logged on to just type a quick quote about something, because Mel reminded me that

" according to some pro bloggers the key is consistency".

But now I'm here, so many thoughts flood into my mind. What was meant to be a quick meet up with an old friend, turned into a wake visit for a friend's father. And a painful update that an awesome tuition teacher for maths i had had just past away about a week ago. if only i knew... the many if onlys... if only i had been vigilant in visiting him during Chinese New Years like i used to... if only....

Everyone is dying... just at different paces...

Every time i get a little worked up over how quiet my 21st birthday was, I'm reminded that June wasn't a happy month last year. the fact i even had people who celebrated with me leaves me grateful , utterly grateful. Come mid- June it'll be a year... Uncle Dr. K...i will miss you... i remember crying when i got the news, despite at that point of time i was in the horrid-est and and stupidest points of my life. My heart was wrenched in pain when i couldn't make it for the funeral. i can't think or talk about it without getting worked up and emotional.who is gonna call me 'mak nenek' and pinch my cheeks now? The good you've done, i can only hope to be half the person you were. In your wake, you left many grateful yet sorrowed hearts.

At one point of my life, i attended so many funerals, i was numb. To the point, i couldn't feel anymore pain, or sense of loss at the funeral of a relative. I made up for my lack of emotion by keeping myself busy serving the people who came for the wake. I've been "exposed", for the lack of more descriptive words, to death since i was really young, enough to have had understood it as a part of life even back then. Thinking back, it was either i knew too many people, or i just knew too many dying-faster-than-most people. After attending about four funerals in the short span of two weeks, i started noticing patterns. There seemed to be a "spree" of deaths at times, and I'm not sure if it is something experienced by most , but this is what it looks like to me. sometimes, it scares me. will i go in one of these "sprees"? will i be one of the several wakes one has to attend in the span of a couple of weeks?

The Bible did mention the angel of death, and this could be how he worked. but that's just my opinion, not the law.

Death is nothing to be feared. Lack of living is.