everyone's going somewhere
i'm not there yet
but i'll get there, i'll get there

is it odd that i like things in its entirety?

dreams #456

it was a competition, to come out with an outfit according to the theme.the theme was feminine,spring. i was helping the girls, using ideas and design from my sketch book.i dressed everyone up and they went out to the dining table.only i wasn't ready.i even helped the guys this year.this is probably the only season that a contestant dressed up the entire team because the decided not to use a stylist. and i had dressed up every single one of them throughout the competition.now i was left with no time, no shoes. so i couldn't sew the design i wanted. i wanted to wear this jumpsuit that had pastel pink lace top and black shorts, but my shoes were in the car. and i needed something i could go barefoot with, so there was this other white cotton dress and a blue halter.i barely remember what i chose.

i remember giving them the other designs because they were taller than i was and it definitely looked better on them

at the dinner table, a guy had all the bitter gourd so i asked for some.uncle hock wanted the water melons that tasted thick and rough.so i gave it all to him. the hall was dark and gloomy and the stage was carpeted. a deep red.

Outside were the fans with boards and reporters with cameras.also security to hold them back.

that was all i remember.i woke up mulling over which dress i could wear.

counting blessings #995

so it's been good, not sweating the small stuff.finishing up books. having positive conversations with people who  try to bring out the best in you. after all this time, i don't know why i chose to go through so much difficulty. but it's all good i guess. if it doesn't kill you....

honestly, happiness wasn't that difficult to find.isn't. it's always there.it's in appreciating having your family around. in having a roof over your head, a room despite the pollution and heat. it's in being able to have dogs who love you and family members that could never dream of hurting animals (besides pests D:) it's in knowing you have friends who stick with you no matter what. Surrounding yourself with good things.

Sometimes i do believe i become such a horrid person and at first i don't know why.but which much thought, i guess it's my body's mechanism in pushing them away from me. to make them feel i'm not worth keeping in touch with or talking to. sometimes, it's good for them. it's good for them to stay away from me and with the way i act it gives them a darn good reason to. i don't like it being that way though, but it has to be what it has to be. you want them to be happy and everyone knows that their happy cannot be anywhere near you. and that's when i have to let go. let go of the heavy thoughts, the trying so hard to save the world, to make everyone else happy. it's not my job (even though i want it to be :( ) it still takes time for the fact to sink in. the fact that i don't HAVE to make everyone happy. It's good to WANT them to be happy but it's not my job to MAKE them so. it's a little bit painful (because i don't want to admit it's a lot) and there are people who are worn out from trying to drill it into my brain. (fear not! your incessant drilling has finally breached the walls of my cranium) so there it is! :) being happy with what is.... not what ifs or what has'. And also to do away with the people who drag your what has' into the what is :)

i lacked the balance before, always only able to do one thing and one thing only, but really, making (and KEEPING) my self happy is just as important as everyone else's happiness. and i have to remember to do that.   Also, sometimes i have to forget what everyone thinks, and remember what HE thinks of me and let that reflect the way i think of myself. That is important. Serve God, not men. why do we look to men for approval when there's only one person's opinion that matters the most? :)

if i'm ever down, i know i'll be back up and swinging soon enough :)

Book stuff #9595

SO i finally finished the 'Hunger Games' trilogy and kind of ran out of things to read, so i ransacked my sister's shelves and decided on a few books and this being one of it :

Not much spoilers, but it's one of those book I feel i have a personal connection to. I haven't quite finished it yet (soon!) but it makes a whole lot of sense to me. I'm one of those people who lose things that never seem to resurface, and it would be nice to know that there was a place it finally decided to settle in. It's odd,yet makes so much sense. It's a good read, especially for those who have lost hope after losing something :) 

Edit:

Just finished it. Not all of us are lucky enough to come back from where we are lost :( 

superficial a lil #3838

i realise, out of the many things i have in my wardrobe, i do not have these :

i know, i know it's just shorts, but these babies look amazing with almost anything!

For example, semi- formal :

A plain blazer, a top (bustier in this case) ans some fancy heels. tadahh!! of course, keeping the colours rich and deep does help make the ensemble  classier.

then a slouchy tank and some funky footwear with simple chains, should just about pull off the casual, i'm-up-for-anything vibe.

bold, block bangles, teamed with a structured, patterned top and floral flats gives off a preppy chic aura.

Casual much? just throw on your favourite t shirt and sandals and you're done!

go girly girly in a frilly pink top, a kitschy purse and summery espadrilles.

and last but not least

the combo of a feminine top and a leather jacket and booties. A combination of two individual looks.

All yu need is only one pair actually, depending which looks you prefer to lean towards.

I'd personally want a dark denim pair because i  feel it's the most versatile, but everyone's going to think differently.

Till i get my own pair....i'll just dream on...

My Happy list

Despite recent events and misgivings, my Happy Playlist has been faithfully playing all week if not more.

(yes, it really is called the happy list)

So, what's on my list and why?

#1.Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

\

gorgeous shot of the gorgeous Andrew Macmahon by Keaton Andrew

why?

it's realistic yet hopeful.It's honest. you've been there. the cheerful guitar riffs with the right amount of drums to drum up some heart strings. once in a while we need to slow down and take in how perfect the shade of the night is. and that's all you need.

the world could be burning down :)

#2.The Resolution- Jack's Mannequin

My favourite part : 

I'm alive
I don't need a witness
To know that I survived

If you have been through something no one should, and you're reading this, hats off to you. 

It may not be something everyone knows, but you know you made it. God knows you made it. 

There's no need for worldly acknowledgement. 

And we all need light, but we first need to admit that we do. What's the point of groping around in the dark when you actually have the opportunity of light?

#3. The Bird and the Worm - Owl City

It's just tooo cute. Happy lyrics, happy tunes. Love in its purest form, friendship. :)

#4. Marching Bands of Manhattan - Deathcab for Cutie

Another uplifting love song. declaration of care and love for someone else with one of the most imaginative ways possible. Knowing you want to cheer up the other person you care about, wanting to see them happy.

#5. Face Up - Lights

"Dark out, but you still gotta light up"

Everyone's been there and she knows it. What else can we do but get up? Why do we dwell on things that don't make us feel alright? We need to always remember.

#6. Quiet - Lights

It's nice to have someone you can be quiet with, no need for conversation, just being there and it will be enough. We should also take time out for ourselves, and reflect amid the busy bustle of routine.

#7.  Second Go - Lights

We can never be reminded enough of how God loves us as we are. We may feel ugly on the inside but He knows we can clean up and He believes in us. We ask for second chances, always forgetting there is always second chances with Him.

#8. Lions! - Lights

Lions maybe represent many things in different people's lives. It could means dangers and fears. Problems and questions, but it could also stand for the lion of Judah.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

We are not brave on our own, and we don't know how far we can grow if we are not first put to the test.

'You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid'

Makes me think of Daniel in the lions den, Queen Esther, Moses and every other bible hero you've known.

They didn't now whether they would make it out alive, and some didn't, but they were unafraid.

#9. Hands On Me - Vanessa Carlton

Trust who you love :)

#10. MFEO pt 2 : You can breathe- Jack's Mannequin

Love the piano. We need that time to breathe. we can run but in the end we need to face it .

#11. Carousel - Vanessa Carlton

It's a pick me up coming from a friend who has been there, love will come around again :) 

#12. Letters from the Sky - Civil Twilight

You're never going to away forever. At some point you'll meet again :) always hope :)

#13. Family Tree - Matthew West

Don't let the past rule your future. We are able to break bondage that are hereditary. God always gives us second chances . 

'yesterday does not define you '

#14. The Story of your Life - Matthew West

We decide the course of our story

#15,  Gimme Sympathy - Metric

They stop you from venturing out and discovering for yourself what you're truly capable of

Don't always stay in the safe zone, you will never find out your true potential that way 

#16. Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars

I'd like to think of it as we are the kings and queens of promise. we are more than we think we are.

#17. Nolita Fairytale- Vanessa Carlton

They can take success away from you but they cannot take your spirit

#18. Choices - The Hoosiers

I can do it, you don't have to make me do it

#19. Make it without you - Andrew Belle

People are bound to let you down, just move on :)

#20. Rabbit Heart [Raise it up] - Florence + the Machine

those in authority might misuse their power but we have to stand up for ourselves

#21. We R who we R- Ke$ha

admittedly a major guilty pleasure, but doesn't hurt to remember who we are. Live it up well.

#22. Breathe - Michelle Branch

When everything seems to be going wrong, take a breather. 

# 23. Crooked Teeth - Deathcab for Cutie

Sometimes we have to acknowledge that something isn't going to work and let it go.