another dream

and the title of the book was :

Sequel to every story except Calvin and Hobbes.

it was hard cover with a powder blue border and the picture of calvin and hobbes down the front.

i was so short,i had to climb up the shelves to get it.

i was just surrounded by books.everywhere.i wanted everything.

at the mamak,i got conned by a random woman. she made me think she was the waitress,then smiled cheekily as she ate her fried egg. D:

"teh ais?milo ais tak boleh ke?"

take a sad song and turn it around

sometimes i wonder what people consider a bad day. is it when you slip and fall? or get sauce on your white shirt?

i think it's a bad day is when someone you care about gets hurt,you're sick to the point of immobility or in pain.or when you yourself are hurt be it physically or emotionally.to a life threatening point.

i think days where things happen to me are ohkay days.they just become an experience.i'd put it in the 'Experiences' or 'stupid but memorable moments' folder...instead of the 'Bad stuff' one. one may argue that "just because you do that you can't expect everyone else to".... no one starts off pooping butterflies and jelly beans.everyone starts of somewhere. at some point i still fall back into negativity.but i never claimed to preach the positivity gospel.and do the opposite.i'm just saying it's possible with a switch of mindset.to see certain mishaps as embarrassing yet funny stories.not a moment to whine and claim you life is over (exaggeration included)

but admittedly.it's not easy.it's so simple to turn everything down emo lane.

time to start shifting folders and content.

i woke up from my dream within a dream crying so hard i couldn't breathe.

the.

the passively massive break down

i think.that whatever little that was left of me.is gone now.

just too much damage. irreparable. like

an infected foot,just too much bad blood and has to be cut off.

whatever is left of who i used to be.it's all gone now.

maybe you could stop writing good music

it's crazy how songs can make you think more than you really want to.

how they make you remember, how they make you relate, how they make you feel

lost and found all in one go.

distressing how it makes you more emotional than you want to be

and it's not a spiteful kind of pain,it's more of a heavy-aching.

if you remember how sorrow feels.how loss feels.

it feels heavy. it's a heavy sadness.

it's a side step when the music evokes unwarranted fears and wants.

maybe it's a good thing that there are so many badly written songs out there that don't make you feel anything.

maybe that's why they write songs as such.

it's so much easier to run away from what you truly feel

from the reality you have to face

it's just proof you haven't gotten over it.

no closure.no ending.no full stop.no conclusion.no last blank page at the end.

fairy dust.

sometimes, it's so difficult to let go of the memories, even after everything has unraveled.

at one point yu think you can just walk away from the wreckage.

in reality? you just can't.

but what's the use of holding onto something that was and isn't anymore?

maybe you will remember the good things and the person they used to be.

the person you knew them first as.

coming back to the present. it's too painful to think of how they are now.